by Stephen Lynch a stand up comedian who plays guitar.

Here we are dear old friend
You and I drunk again
Laughs have been had and tears have been shed
Maybe the whiskey has gone to my head.

But if I were gay, I'd give you my heart
And if I were gay,you'd be my work of art.
And if I were gay, we'd swim in romance
But I'm not gay, so get your hand out of my pants!

It's not that I don't care, I do
I just don't see myself in you
Another time, another scene
I'd be right behind you, you know what I mean

If I were gay, I'd give you my soul
If I were gay, I'd give you my whole...being
If I were gay, I'd tear down the walls
But I'm not gay, so won't you stop cupping my....pants

We've never hugged
We've never kissed
I've never been intimate
With your fist
You have opened brand new doors
Get over it and drop your drawers!

Hope this doesn't offen any one, it's funny...that's all.